THE STONE THAT THE BUILDERS REJECTED HAS BECOME THE CORNERSTONE
I was meditating on this passage, which has occurred so often in our liturgy of late, and thinking what it could specially mean to me.
I thought of the quote mainly at first because of "Brideshead Revisited", where the hero has to put aside his love for his married mistress because of her Catholic faith. He, formerly an unbeliever, then becomes a Catholic convert. The Catholic Church is the stone that the builders rejected in that case.
So, I thought, in my present life with the decision to give up the car, what is the stone being rejected that will be the cornerstone? That is exactly my dilemma.
There is a life without driving. I have lived it but little in my life, timewise, since I was twenty. I love to drive. I thought of the time in Seattle when I was visiting Alexander at Christmas, and my purse was stolen the first day. The train ticket was not stolen; I'd put it in the dresser before we went out that day. In the purse was everything else I had; my Amex credit card and about 200.00. And that was it. I was dismayed big time, but after I'd made the necessary phone calls, I decided to accept it. I had to just accept that I was living as a child in my son's household. I walked around with my hands in my pockets, unable to pay for anything. I'd planned to impress them with a great dinner out "on Mama." And to buy them something nice each, and together perhaps a new blanket which I'd pay off when I went back to school after Christmas, paying it off on my teacher's salary...Impossible with no money and no credit card. They paid for everything (and they had almost no money!) But they did not complain and neither did I. I just went along and had a wonderful visit. I had my return train ticket and when he put me on the train to go home, I said, "Alex, I hate to ask you but I have not one cent to get food on the way home or any other need...," and he put his hand in his pocket and gave me all the money he had, a twenty dollar bill. His girlfriend had made me a nice sack lunch to bring on the train, so I was fine from then on....
The stone that the builders had rejected, I have now decided, is 'myself, not driving.' Me, being dependent for transportation on others, whether by charity or Uber or el bos, --however it's managed, I will not be driving. How to live with this circumstance with grace? How to make this stage of life into the cornerstone, solid and true and pure? And as pleasant and enjoyable as that visit in Seattle long ago with Alex and his girlfriend, because I accepted circumstance and let go?
My vision may get bad anough that I cannot try to function without the operation...another challenge. I may need to move to a communal living situation due to loneliness...another challenge...Maybe if I do get the operation I can drive again should I choose...another challenge.
For now, I can think more, play piano more, sing more, garden more, paint more, read more (bless the Kindle!!) write more, clean up the house more, get organized more, study more, be on the computer more, and maybe get a puppy. No longer can I jump into the car and go kill time at the Goodwill, nor search for the elusive Komodo Dragon...nor peruse old antique stores...but who knows? Life is openingup, not closing down. That is the attitude I will take. Changes, new life, new cornerstones!
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